Driving in Pune:Lesson no 1
Since I presently am in Pune and really flabbergasted by Puneites driving skills I wish to offer this
For the benefit of every Tom Dick and Harry who has recently taken to driving or is new in Pune, I am offering few hints for survival. Well, they are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safe.
Road rules: Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best and leave the rest to insurance company. The hints are as follows : Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is both. Basically you start on the left of the road, and unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts ascertain the direction and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasionally fatality. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
Don’t you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation: the other drivers are not in any better position.
The Great Indian Road Pedestrian: (Pedestrians of the Indian roads are termed ‘great’ for their astonishing bravery and undeterrent approach) Don’t stop at pedestrian crossing just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrian have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a halt because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing Horn: Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (to brisk blast), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may need them during traffic jams, while awaiting ministers motorcade, or waiting for the rain water to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Box on Wheels: As soon as you are on road you can see a big red iron box, of some PMT company, like a ship container moving on its own. Recently only I discovered that the box has a steering wheel and a driver too, I used to think it moves as per the grain of the road maneuvering, bypassing and successfully overrunning all the signals. Talks at high levels are on to change his name to pilot as the he is trained not to see the road but just glide his way through . So, beware of the box.
URO (Unidentified Road Objects): Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO, with blinking colored lights and weird sound emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go to break neck speed, seeking contact with the almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto rickshaw(baby taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinder or passengers three times its weight, size and dimensions at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these autorickshaw until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newtons law of motion enroute to school. Autorickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film “Ben-Hur”, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at brake bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road: they would rather drive under heavy vehicles instead of around them and are often mopped of the tarmac.
Leaning tower of passenger: Most bus passengers are given free passage and during rush hour there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defining laws of gravity (Newton would have committed suicide on watching it) but they do obey laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overloaded (so many rupees per kg of passengers), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
Well these were some tips some important survival tips one must remember, but, even after this training don’t get on behind the steer wheel wait for lesson no2.
Since I presently am in Pune and really flabbergasted by Puneites driving skills I wish to offer this
For the benefit of every Tom Dick and Harry who has recently taken to driving or is new in Pune, I am offering few hints for survival. Well, they are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safe.
Road rules: Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best and leave the rest to insurance company. The hints are as follows : Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is both. Basically you start on the left of the road, and unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts ascertain the direction and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasionally fatality. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
Don’t you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation: the other drivers are not in any better position.
The Great Indian Road Pedestrian: (Pedestrians of the Indian roads are termed ‘great’ for their astonishing bravery and undeterrent approach) Don’t stop at pedestrian crossing just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrian have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a halt because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing Horn: Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (to brisk blast), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may need them during traffic jams, while awaiting ministers motorcade, or waiting for the rain water to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Box on Wheels: As soon as you are on road you can see a big red iron box, of some PMT company, like a ship container moving on its own. Recently only I discovered that the box has a steering wheel and a driver too, I used to think it moves as per the grain of the road maneuvering, bypassing and successfully overrunning all the signals. Talks at high levels are on to change his name to pilot as the he is trained not to see the road but just glide his way through . So, beware of the box.
URO (Unidentified Road Objects): Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO, with blinking colored lights and weird sound emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go to break neck speed, seeking contact with the almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto rickshaw(baby taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinder or passengers three times its weight, size and dimensions at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these autorickshaw until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newtons law of motion enroute to school. Autorickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film “Ben-Hur”, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at brake bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road: they would rather drive under heavy vehicles instead of around them and are often mopped of the tarmac.
Leaning tower of passenger: Most bus passengers are given free passage and during rush hour there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defining laws of gravity (Newton would have committed suicide on watching it) but they do obey laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overloaded (so many rupees per kg of passengers), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
Well these were some tips some important survival tips one must remember, but, even after this training don’t get on behind the steer wheel wait for lesson no2.
1 comment:
Dear Pankaj,
I am Garima Sudhir, City correspondent of Intelligent Pune, a weekly tabloid from Pune that comes every Thursday.
We have a column in our tabloid for blog review. This is basically to promote bloggers. I have gone through your blog and liked it quit a lot, as it is on the traffic condition. If you allow me I would like to write a review on this.
Kindly let me know your consent on the same as soon as possible.
Regards,
Garima
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