Being Rude

Being Rude

Someone called me rude today for not liking one's post.  Yes, I read it,  admired it but didn't click the thumbs-up icon.  Did that made me rude?
I guess times have changed,  people think & behave a bit differently.  We today are connected to more people than we have at any other time in our life and so I guess  new mannerisms have become the norm. The mannerisms of the cyber society.

Not liking a post or photo uploaded by your friend or senior is rude.

Well I still don't think it that way.  Rude is to keep texting when you are in a group,  rude is to constantly checking your phone for a new message when you are in company,  rude is to pay more attention to cyber friends than real ones,  rude is to give more importance to answering phone diligently while making a person in front wait.

There are multiple other ways of being rude like throwing the candy wrapper out of your car,  honking on a red light,   sneezing open mouth in public places,  urinating on walls and taking a day off from work but not casting one's vote.

Rude is a whole lot of things,  we Indians are generally rude,  but still being not so active on a WhatsApp or Facebook cannot be considered rude.

THE OFFICIAL ENGLISH O HINDI TRANSLATION

Have a nice day! ---* Achcha din lo!
What's up? ---*Uppar kya hai?
You're kidding! ---*Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!
Don't kid me! ---* Mera bachcha mat banaao!
Yo, baby! What's up? ---* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?
Cool man! ---* Thandaa aadmi!
Check this out, man! ---* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
Don't mess with me, dude.---* Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.
She's so fine! ---* Woh itnee baareek hai!
Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?---* Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?
Hey good looking; what's cooking? ---* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kyapakaa rahee ho?
Are you nuts? ---* Kya aap akhrot hain?
Son of a gun.---* Bachcha bandook ka.
Rock the party. ---* Party mein patthar feko.

And the best ones are.....
How do you do? ---* Kaise karte ho?
Keep in touch ---* Chhoote Raho.
Lets hang out! ---*Chalo bahar latakte hai

driving in pune: lesson no2

Driving in Pune: Lesson no 2

In the last lesson we have learned about the road rules, the great Indian road pedestrian, some major road etiquettes and contemporary phenomenons like autorickshaw, mopeds, buses and others. But I guess, I have only spoken about the negative aspects. Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.

Residential Areas: Rash and fast driving in residential areas have been prevented by providing a “speed breaker”; two of each house. This mound incidently covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

One way street: These boards are put up by the traffic guys to add zest in their otherwise drab lives. Don’t stick to the lateral meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at a time. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.


Night driving on Indian roads: Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of “Changez khan”. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you don’t know who amongst the driver is loaded. What looks like premature dawn in the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it just pull partly in the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders but occasional boulders. Do not blink your light excepting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with few bottles of local “neera or tharra” he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral function add up to little more than a not. Truck drivers are the James Bond of India and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motor bike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.

Crash course for driving in other major parts of India


The guidelines mentioned above though apply to each and every part of India , here are few more area specific guidelines.

Punjab: The land of five rivers but one must be careful not to be swept away by any. The most dangerous thing in the world is Osama bin Laden with a nuke and a Sardar with a truck. Whenever you spot one just vanish from the spot. While on road you can take to nearby fields and if nothing works out get out of the vehicle and climb the nearest tree. Identifying such avalanches is not very difficult sound of loud Punjabi songs which can be heard 5 miles before it hits you, smell of “sarson” 2 miles before and bird or cattle cries or even human a mile before.

The next thing you might encounter is a “jugaad or maruta”, as is fondly called. It is an engine mounted on a single wheel and backed by a doubly overloaded lorry. The maximum speed this thing can attain is 5 kmph and talk about bypassing it, better take a different road.

Jammu And Kashmir: The gear requirement for a smooth and comfortable drive includes a Kevlar bullet proof jacket, bullet proof glasses, a bullet proof helmet, a special 9mm thick iron sheet coating on the bottom of your vehicle, spare tyres four maybe eight.
A 9mm pistol, a 7.62mm AK-47, a 30mm grenade launcher, a 84mm RL,………(lets control my emotions). And most important a photo identity card and you should learn to shout “Oh mai mauj! Oh mai mauj!” (oh my mother in kashmiri) on top of your voice.


Himachal Pradesh: All you need is a mega can of vomit preventive syrup and a powerful horn that should be heard at least to the next valley. Don’t feel shy blowing it just let it blow at the rate of one horn per revolution of your tyre lest you want to return to your initial point in reverse.

Haryana : What is a must is a “bhimsaini lath” a long wooden or bamboo stick soaked in oil for a month. You may prefer mule power to run your car than conventional petrol because firstly it aptly adapts to the speed of the traffic. It is only the mules which would be able to winch you out of the pot holes. Apart from roads rest of Haryana is fields so with mules police also won’t trouble if you are on the road or off the road.

Rajasthan : Cover your vehicle entirely by mosquito net .

Uttar Pradesh : Why drive walk instead. But still if you wish to drive remember “driving is all about steering wheel and accelerator; pot holes, traffic, speed breaker sab moh maya”.

Madhya Pradesh: Nothing deters you in driving through this region. No road rules. It is very simple, no roads no rules.

Bihar : First you want to go there and now want to drive also.(just a joke my bihari brothers should not take it otherwise)

Happy driving.

Pakistani truths

Q1. How do you stop a Pakistani tank?
A. Shoot the men who are pushing it.

Q2. How do you disable Pakistani missiles?
A. Cut the rubber band.

Q3. Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes?
A. Neither has Pakistan.

Q4. Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention?
A. The new automatic parachutes. They open on impact.

Q5. How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Q6. Did you hear about the 747 jet which crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
A. The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.

Driving in Pune

Driving in Pune:Lesson no 1

Since I presently am in Pune and really flabbergasted by Puneites driving skills I wish to offer this

For the benefit of every Tom Dick and Harry who has recently taken to driving or is new in Pune, I am offering few hints for survival. Well, they are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safe.

Road rules: Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best and leave the rest to insurance company. The hints are as follows : Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is both. Basically you start on the left of the road, and unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts ascertain the direction and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasionally fatality. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.

Don’t you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation: the other drivers are not in any better position.

The Great Indian Road Pedestrian: (Pedestrians of the Indian roads are termed ‘great’ for their astonishing bravery and undeterrent approach) Don’t stop at pedestrian crossing just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.

Pedestrian have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a halt because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing Horn: Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (to brisk blast), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may need them during traffic jams, while awaiting ministers motorcade, or waiting for the rain water to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Box on Wheels: As soon as you are on road you can see a big red iron box, of some PMT company, like a ship container moving on its own. Recently only I discovered that the box has a steering wheel and a driver too, I used to think it moves as per the grain of the road maneuvering, bypassing and successfully overrunning all the signals. Talks at high levels are on to change his name to pilot as the he is trained not to see the road but just glide his way through . So, beware of the box.

URO (Unidentified Road Objects): Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO, with blinking colored lights and weird sound emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go to break neck speed, seeking contact with the almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto rickshaw(baby taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinder or passengers three times its weight, size and dimensions at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these autorickshaw until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newtons law of motion enroute to school. Autorickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film “Ben-Hur”, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at brake bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road: they would rather drive under heavy vehicles instead of around them and are often mopped of the tarmac.

Leaning tower of passenger: Most bus passengers are given free passage and during rush hour there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defining laws of gravity (Newton would have committed suicide on watching it) but they do obey laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overloaded (so many rupees per kg of passengers), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

Well these were some tips some important survival tips one must remember, but, even after this training don’t get on behind the steer wheel wait for lesson no2.